It is more unhealthy not to grieve than to grieve. Those who appear to be holding up well after just losing someone may still be in shock or just numb with all the activity and decisions they have to make. After that’s done and the service is over, and all the friends and relatives have gone home, the real grief work begins. It’s lonely and it’s hard.

Friends have probably brought food over to keep you eating. Friends and family may be helping with chores until you feel better. Or if you have no such support network, you may be alone, unable to share your grief and barely able to function.

I was fortunate enough to have a network and a faith as I grieved. I have already lost almost all my close friends, my parents, and my children. But the hardest loss is still ahead. It’s selfish , but I hope I go before my husband does. I don’t think it will work that way. My support network is smaller now. I think the heaviest grief work I will have to do is fast approaching. I hope I’m wrong.

Christian, bereaved adoptive mom, blogger, amateur nature photographer, voracious reader. Married 54 years. Central Coast of California.

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